I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I am available for nakedness
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
