i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
