I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
