Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
