The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
