Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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