There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
