I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
