You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
