I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
