When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
