im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize