we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
