somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
