Got a toothbrush?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
