i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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