he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
should my penis look like a turkey
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
