I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
