i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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