awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
