I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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