Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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