Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
