Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
