I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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