I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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