i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
