our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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