Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's official drugs can't kill me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize