she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
