We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
