hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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