I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
