thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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