i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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