I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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