everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
