I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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