I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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