he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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