Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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