this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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