One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
