Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
