I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
