Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
