You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So drunk its hurt
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
