Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
