that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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