I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
