i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
