did you get engaged???
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize