I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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