what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
