Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
