Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
