it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
