Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
