The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
then he tried to convert me to islam
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
