he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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