I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
