There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
