Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize