It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
