i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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