I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
